rants of a bittersweet

they could be so larger-than-life

what’s with them? is it with the genes?

you’re right bevs, di ba natin kapatid si chris?

kung hindi, pa-ampon na tayo.

now na, payag ako. haha.

I

They say life is how you make it,
but how you make it depends on your decisions and strategies,
and your decisions and strategies reflect how you take or understand what is given…

II

On Conceptualization and Operationalization

Think of:
80 billion people
divided by 370+ countries,
about 10,000 distinct religions,
and countless languages and dialects,
and molded by permutations of events…

These are just some of the basic factors why we could have myriad definitions on the same thing.
How you perceive something may not necessarily how the person beside you does.
So if you want to be understood correctly,
negotiate on having your definitions meet at some point
then say it clearly.

III

On Sociological Imagination

Not every bullshit in your life is automatically caused by your erroneous actions.
Societal structure may have a big go on it.
But this doesn’t completely save yourself from the blame.
(It’s just supposed to make you feel better. harhar)

i’m saying a lot of things
but only in my mind

i feel irrelevant
but they think i’m great

i’m in despair
but i claim to be ok

i’m stuck
but i pretend to move

i’m crying
but no tears seems to fall

i’m screaming
but only i can hear it

i think i blog too much lately, as in TOO MUCH that i’m starting to look like a blog to other people. hmmmm… not bad, why not?

anyone could easily tag that day as an ordinary one, until a disruption caused by the overacting Ikot drivers occurred. it lasted for about 2 hours and i just know that a lot of students are at their wits end during those times coz i saw it in their faces, and in my own too. as it turned out, the Ikot drivers were pissed off by this one air-conditioned bus powered by natural gas moving around the campus that day, posing as an Ikot.

actually, i had a feeling na ito nga yung dahilan kasi nung nakita ko yung bus nasa likod siya nung Ikot jeep na sinasakyan ko nung umaga before the strike. and the driver of the jeep was ranting, "pano pa tayo kikita niyan eh may umiikot na bus?" and whenever he would pass by a fellow Ikot driver, he would stop and say, "nakita mo yung bus na umiikot?! pano pa tayo kikita niyan?" the weird thing about his statement was that when he was saying those words puno naman ng pasahero yun jeep niya…

so that was in the morning. by lunch time, all the Ikots were nowhere to be found. to get to school, my housemate and i had to take a tricycle to Philcoa and ride a jeep to UP from there. on the terminal, there was this old lady of about 70 years of age with a walking stick trying to get into the jeep me and my housemate were in. since i was seated near the door, i moved inside so as not to trouble her with getting in. though i was not looking at her directly, i could see from my peripheral vision that she was smiling (in a sort of nostalgic way) as jeep cruises along the University Ave.

halfway the University Ave., she just spoke to me and said, "nakakamiss din ang UP noh?" not knowing how to answer coz i still hasn’t left UP that long to miss it terribly the way she probably does, i just looked at her and smiled.

think that’s the end of it? nah. actually, this is where the story begins.

what happened was that she immediately began to tell me her life story (yeah, she did). according to her, her four kids all went to UP. there was a mention of her family migrating or plans thereof to the US. her husband died when her kids was halfway their schooling. to survive, she sold a piece of land somewhere. when resources started to dwindle, she worked for people like Edgardo Angara, Randy David, and (i think) Satur Ocampo. of the three, i think it was Randy David who helped her and her kids most. if i remember correctly, she mentioned something like living and serving Mr. David’s family for some time. also, she said something about being the only Filipino who worked for the International Bank of a country that starts in ‘N’ (was it Netherlands? Norway? or New Zealand? uh-oh can’t remember…), but i forgot if it was her or her daughter who worked for the bank (hay naku, memory gap. tsk tsk).

then i realized na malapit na pala akong bumaba ng jeep and i still don’t know the name this pleasant lady who practically shared a piece of her life to me. so i asked her, "ano pong pangalan niyo?" when she said, "oh, i’m Mrs. Maniago" a bell rings somewhere. she also added, "there was actually an article written about me…" and she started to search her hand bag for it.

then i was torn. nasa tapat na kasi ako ng pupuntahan ko and i was really thinking of staying on the jeep and continue the talk with her hanggang sa bumaba siya. kaya lang, nagmamadali din ako. so while she searches for the article in her hand bag, i apologetically said "naku, sige po kailangan ko na pong bumaba…" and just like what my own grandmother would do, she said, "sige ingat ka" with a smile. awww…

while walking, i can’t help but think "Mrs. Maniago…. Randy David…" and then, ding! naaalala ko na! grabe, SIYA un??!

last last sem, i took up Sociology 10. for that course, we used Prof. Randy David’s great book with the title "Nation, Self, and Citizenship" — a compilation of his past articles in PDI which talks about, well, nation, self, and citizenship. in that book, i remember that there was a piece there with the title "Mrs. Maniago". when i asked a friend who also took that course kung meron nga bang article dun na yun ang title, sabi niya oo. so putting the pieces together, i think i just met THE Mrs. Maniago by sheer accident. and she personally told me her story in such a short period of time. amazing!

haaayy… the beauty of unexpected things nga naman… will our paths ever cross again? ang galing talaga…

p.s.: yung bus na umikot sa UP nung araw na yun eh nag-test drive lang. sabi na eh, by the looks of it palang. atska, duh?! as if naman babiyahe talaga un for life eh institution na ang Ikot sa UP. Ikot drivers naman na-praning agad (ESPECIALLY the driver of the jeep na sinakyan ko. siya kaya ang nagsimula ng "sang-kapraningan"? hmmm…)

before anything else, i just wanna mention my fitting horoscope of the day:"The answers you need aren’t visible up-close. Step back and look at the big picture." there, thank you very much. i’ll now turn you over to the blog proper. here it is:

three signs:
1. the broken message
2. deleted files upon reformatting the laptop
3. deleted files upon helping other people (i dont blame the person though)

implication of 2 and 3:
- i lost valuable stuffs, so valuable i dedicated the whole folder for those. and you know what? those kinda made me hold on. now that i unwillingly lost it, natutulala nalang ako.

what should be done:
1. read the signs the way it should be read*. i was asking for it anyway, right?
2. believe the signs. it makes sense coz its materializing in one way or another.
3. accept it
4. make a resolution (move on? but how? where do i start?)
5. believe these things i’m saying and actually start operationalizing it!

consolation (?):
- "unfortunate events usually happen to nice and smart people." so aris this means you’re really nice and smart, eventhough you unbelievably bought a far-fetched story that lead to your misfortune last monday (harhar!). but then again i dont think of myself as smart (nice, pwede pa), so i guess im just being a helpless magnet of unfortunate events.

final words:
- har.har.har.bwua.ha.ha.ha.ha.

p.s.:
- im hearing Daniel Powter’s Bad Day.

*probable meaning the signs:
- its just a "parasocial relationship" (quoted from Ma’am Kate). it won’t get anywhere so end it.

* when i looked at my course syllabi, i realized that a semester consists of only 16 weeks. and if your class is once a week, that’s like 15 meetings lang (minus 1 meeting kasi di naman talaga nag-ddiscuss on the first meeting). and when i put it like that, parang ang dali at ang bilis lang. well…. parang lang!

* alam ko na ang sched ng 3 reports ko at 2 midterms. next week na nga yung sa major eh. pano kaya un? kailangang magpa-impress.

* nakita ko na ang syllabus for Communication 141 (Media and Society). HAGGARD. letch…

* di pa rin pumapasok un Spanish 10 prof ko. Nag-sspanish na sila bevs, tin, at saj kami hindi pa. hmpf!

* walang lantern parade due to austerity measures. but something new was formulated in replacement of.

* boyfriend pala ni Gretchen ung isa sa mga napatay dun sa Ortigas incident. i feel so sorry for her. because of that, she suggested that we do our research paper on 141 about it. pwede din… why not?

AT

* wag niyo kong tanungin ng balita. di ko din alam.

* wag niyo kong tanungin ng developments. walang kalinawan.

* wag niyo kong tanungin kung ano na. ako man naguguluhan din.

note: in short, wag niyo kong tanungin. wala kayong ma-aachieve na maganda at interesting na sagot.

she is the picture of beauty’s widely held definition:
mestiza
long hair
sexy
in vogue

she has taken on sportscasting,
modelling,
small acting roles,
and reality contests
that practically made her popularity something that is not just confined within the campus.

she’s nice — not the bitchy type that her looks would easily make you stereotype her as such.
she’s actually someone who’s ready to give a smile when you acknowledge her,
and wishes you a great day ahead on her final text.

i never saw her stressed and distressed,
and that’s saying something coz i think she’s leading a very busy and rocking lifestyle.
always made-up and like a breath of fresh air — that’s what she manages to look like despite of it all.

with a ‘cheerleader-like’ qualities like these
you’d think she’ll always be seen with huge group friends around her.
the sought after type.
the leader of the pack.

and yet…

its the contrary.

and i dont get it.

gladeis - the oldest among us BUT the most intellectually opinionated one. with her, we could make sense out of seemingly pointless things/subjects through heated discussions and/or reflections. apart from the usual topics like religion, social values, current events, and government, we also delve into absurd commercials, readily taken-as-porn and/or underrated, not-so-famous films, and other matters often dismissed as mundane. its like being in a Philosophy class, only funner coz we’re doing it in our own sweet time while wearing our pyjama and loose shirts (hehe). we can simplify and complicate things, and she started it!

mei - the girl with more than just an angelic face. one can never find a trace of her being "maldita" by simply looking at her. however, i dont know if her being maldita is innate or something she has just acquired or learned to be by spending so much time with dianne and yours truly (hehe >:D). apart from that, she’s also surprisingly critical (remember how we deconstucted _____’s essay for PISCA?).

dianne - the bestfriend-of-the-year turned soul-sisters-for-life. when no one else seems to understand my illogical actions and choices, all i have to do is to give her The Look and she already knows. and now that i have come to think of it, she’s the only person whom i could honestly disclose everything with, and it doesn’t matter whether she knows the persons i’ve been blabbering about or not. to date, we still manage to surprise each other with our similarities, be it events in our past, choices made and to make (if ever), and taste *wink wink*

myron - a frequent visitor in our boarding house, which makes him the honorary boardmate. one of the most complicated, interesting, smartest (how about a magna cum laude standing?), and nicest guy i’ve ever met. he knows what he wants, and is willing to go to some unbelievable extent just to get it. its amazing how he seems to be the common friend who connects almost everyone in UP Diliman (proof: he is taking up Business Economics but i think everyone in my Communication Research block knows him. and that’s only one group. madami pang iba. beats me how he became mr. popular. and mind you, its UP DILIMAN. hehe). insists on putting some culture on my mp3 collection by transferring (against my will) culture songs from his iPod into my laptop.

p.s. to myron: define culture!

as for me…well, i’ll just let them do the talking (or the writing) ",)

lately, i have realized that Communication Research 115 is the subject where i/we have learned (and actually remembered) a lot of things. apart from Conceptualization and Operationalization, there is this popular ‘drop-in’ lesson that we oftentimes refer to in our everyday conversations. and that is no other than the Social Penetration Theory (or was it Self-disclosure by Sidney Jourard?). Ma’am Umali just mentioned this in passing while teaching the Bogardus Social Distance Scale.

so what is this all about?

basically, it talks about how, as people develop relationships, penetrate deeper and deeper into into private and personal matters. according to the proponents of this theory, social penetration/self-disclosure "occurs in stages, like peeling an onion" (quoted from Gerard Miller), and these are the following*:

1) orientation or ‘the weather’ - the ‘hi, how are you?’ stage

2) giving compliments stage

3) exploratory affective stage - we now start to reveal ourselves, expressing personal attitudes about moderate topics such as government and education. This is the stage of casual friendship, and many relationships do not go past this stage.

4) affective stage - now we start to talk about private and personal matters. We may use personal idioms.

5) the ‘criticism’ stage - works on the premise that people only get to critique on the other when they have already developed a considerable relationship that would enable them to do so. (eh bakit si ano criticism agad? hehehe ;-P)

6) stable stage - the relationship now reaches a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person.

*i have no notes for this. when i checked the internet, parang kulang naman un stages na mentioned dun sa mga sinabi ni Ma’am noon. so i just incorporated some stages that i remembered she said ^_^

…may ‘reunion’ ng elementary people

…marami akong di maalala (which led them to think that im an impostor. haha)

…nanay na pala sila (shit! i last saw them waaay back grade 6)

…break na sila (huhu…)

…sila na pala (WHAT??!!)

…pumayat daw ako sabi ng 47568 people* (aris: "posible pa yun?")

…may text pla, di ko napansin :->

…active season na naman ng hi5 account ko

…nagigising ako 5 minutes before my alarm starts to sound (nag-alarm pa ko. tsk tsk..)

…Christmas na in 35 days (yay!)

*created figure only. haha. but a LOT of people are telling that to me.